Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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