you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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