He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I want her autograph on my taint
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
These tits shall not be calmed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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