I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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