woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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