We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
