Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
