Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
