I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
