Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
