My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
