I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
