i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
