the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My ATM looks so different sober.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
