its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
