im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
