I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
no you cant smoke seaweed
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
