It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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