i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do you remember whose house we're in?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
