I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
