before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize