if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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