I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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