I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
