even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
