Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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