Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
