oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it's like heaven, but drunker
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
