If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
