She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
