I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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