the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
