Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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