how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize