You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
