so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
These tits shall not be calmed
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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