We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
