The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
