you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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