don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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