Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
