I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
