My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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