from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Say something about gay babies.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
