Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
