haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
