using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
