How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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