i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
