i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
