just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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