i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
