I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
