I can text with my tongue
love makes seman taste better
It was confusing and full of hummus
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
