Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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