apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
