and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
where does the pee come out of this thing
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My vagina just clenched in fear
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
