I think I just saw someone hide a body.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
