Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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