did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
the liver wants what the liver wants
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
