I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
