im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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