Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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