this boner is exhausting
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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