hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
