IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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