i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
