Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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