sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize