So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You may now shotgun with the bride
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
