Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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