WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
