Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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