I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
