the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
