no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
