walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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