I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
