I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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