i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
