Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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