I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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