problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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