Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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