I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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