I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
